Archive for February, 2011

L is for.
February 14, 2011

It shimmies under our skin in the most delightfully ticklish way.

I caught myself doing it again today, peeking behind open fingers while the romantic lead kissed the girl with a pretty heart and average face.

Love still makes me awkward and flushed and fluttery.

I’ve witnessed a whole lot of it this year, and not just the kind that has you rooting for Meg Ryan, but the real stuff…

I was there the day my best friend welcomed her son into the world, and as much as I love the immediate expansion of her heart, what I love even more is that a hundred days have passed and she still looks at that tiny half-her-half-him babe with wonder, and almost a slight disbelief, that that living miracle is really here and really hers…

I heard it today in my almost-brother’s voice as he told me about the girl he’s been driving hours to see.  I think it might still be awhile till he says that word out loud, to himself or to her, but I heard it in the excitement he gets in talking about who she is, I heard it in his apology to me for “gushing”…

It was expressed in a way that crushed my chest at Ellie’s funeral.  As her sons and daughters-in-law stood in front of family and friends to honor her with words, there was a sense that no amount of hours or syllables could capture who she was, but they sure could wrap up a sense of their love for her in stories and tears and memories.

When my pastor prays over us.
When my brothers hug me longer than they have to.
When soup & flowers show up at the door after you’ve spent 2 weeks home sick.
When everything goes light and prayers feel heard.
When I just don’t feel that special anymore, and I hear that I’m smart. funny. or just might still turn out to be somebody.

When I’m reminded that L O V E isn’t spelled in diamonds and sex and highchairs.

For everything my assumed lack of love has broken, embittered, & bruised this year… real, whole, full, buoying, thoughtful, handwritten love has swollen & mended.

On this Valentine’s Day, I’m going to unstaple the half-dozen faces I have tacked to an imaginary dartboard, and try to breathe out the dark and lonely and self-pitying.

I’m going to let the good & glittery & red & sparkly & happy & hopeful carry away all that heavies my heart and absolutely splash around in the love that has spilt into every corner.  Thank you for spilling love into my life.




Happy Valentine’s Day darlings.