Archive for April, 2010

The Girl Who Cried Love.
April 12, 2010

Life is the events it’s made of strung together into a years-long story.

Chapters are centered on love and loss and hurt and happiness… it’s the rich & heartbroken & ruffled moments that make life…well…life.


And sometimes the timeclock punching and the shoelace knotting and the drywall repairing minutes sweep by and you feel as though you’re doing anything but living.

You don’t want to feel that way, but the grandiose adventure that others are leaping into is so far-removed from you quietly tying on your apron.

And sometimes it hurts so badly that you long to just lick envelopes, ink the grocery list, and take the trash out.

It’s a tough line between living in ache and aching to just live…and we almost never allow ourselves the freedom to ache to live…

I ache to live.

I want my string of chapters strung with love and laughter and romance and surprise and growth and a full heart.
But most days it’s just the apron tying and the envelope licking.
So what do I do?

Celebrate what’s not mine… the babies. the homes. the parties. the weddings. the successes. the cures. the answers.

Yes.

Celebrating is what honors the moment.

And so when it seems as though the wind has shifted and the mundane has a new light cast, I want to tell the town.

Not for the attention…but for the celebration.

I want the people that have prayed and longed as long as I have to open invitations to a new chapter.

I’m sorry I always get my hopes up.  I’m sorry I always get your hopes up.  But when you pray and you allow yourself to see the good, I feel it gives me the release to do the same.

I want him here, I want his hand in mine, I want you to laugh at his jokes more than mine, I want you to trust him with the heart of mine you’ve so carefully guarded.

I’m so sorry you so often have to congratulate and then console.

I’m sorry that you have to hear me hurt.

And I’m so sorry that not too far in the future I’ll cry love again.

And I’m sorry that one day it’ll come and you might not believe me.

I might not believe it either.
I might not believe it now.


Advertisements