Archive for August, 2008

August 26, 2008

Today I went to work out and after an AWESOME hour of sweating (and trying to keep my habit of dancing whilst on the treadmill to a minimum) when I went outside…it was perfect.

Just past golden hour, approaching dusk…the sweetest, lightest breeze…and all I could do was thank God.

I’ve been reading “The Shack”…if you haven’t yet, I completely recommend it.  You might not agree with everything…I don’t, but what I needed was a beautiful reminder that God is Love.

I stood there in my mismatched gym clothes and no eyeliner and just thanked God. 

I have been missing home SO MUCH the last couple days. My family, my house church, my girls at work, my beloved best friends…

And what do you know?

At 11pm, my dear roomie Lauren walked in and said quite loudly “KATE MARTIN! Do you have your own fan club?!”  And she handed me SIX envelopes!!!

My heart darn near spilled over.

THANK YOU Melody G (who sent TWO cards! And stickers!), Jamie B, Abbi E, Steph S, and my bffffff Andrea TiGiggles!

The best feeling in the whole world is feeling like someone loves you- so my sincerest thank you to five special someones.


August 21, 2008

A few years ago I was visiting my dear friend Laura and noticed a lovely painting on the wall.  She proudly announced that she and her husband Chris had painted it together.  She blissfully recounted receiving an entire art set, complete with about a bajillion colors of paint from her dear hubby, and informed me that “in love, there is nothing greater than being known.”

Today the same sentiment was presented by Dr. Couser in reference to why we should work hard to understand our God and His word.  Interpreting the Bible is a way of knowing Him whom we love.

I think that might be a part of this whole “Ohio Experience”…the catch 22, the double-edged sword…

I am not known.  And if I am, it is for being a person I’d like to forget. I’d like to be known for the me now. Or better yet… the Jesus in me.

In the last few days, I’ve kept my eyes down, my pace quick and my lips sealed as I walk around this beautiful campus.  Today my neck almost snapped as I jerked my head up quickly when I heard someone call my name.  An old pal was here visiting his girlfriend and wanted to say hello.  I was so excited that someone simply knew my name.

I fight against loneliness.  I brave the waters of vulnerability because I long to be loved and to be understood.  Nothing can shake your sense of self and sense of value quite like not being pursued…studied…enjoyed.

How about you?  Are you fighting the battle of being alone? Empty heart, empty calendar, empty bed?

I am used to filling my life with so much relational noise that I miss out on the sometimes beauty that can come from being lonely.  Because when the idol of people aren’t filling my every moment, there is time to focus on my GOD.  Lest I forget…He is far more worthy of my pursuit than anything or anyone else. 

Dating someone or befriending someone who talks only about themselves or “is the president of their own fan club” gets old real fast.  Let’s not do that to God.  Let’s not do that to others.

He is worth being known.  The people around us, deserve to be known.  How special it is to give someone a word of encouragement or a gift that is spefically tailored to them.

The highlight of my week was getting an e-mail today that informed me there were FLOWERS waiting for me at the student post office.  I immediately thought “Oh mom.  What a cutie.”

But when I picked them up, I was stunned! The flowers were from one of my oldest and dearest friends- Mel “Rhonda” Cassidy.  A simple sentence of perfect encouragement was written on the card and the flowers were absolutely beautiful.  And better yet? There wasn’t a single red rose or stem of baby’s breath in the bunch.

If that doesn’t make sense to you, it’s cause you just don’t know me.

 Thanks Rhonda. I love you.

This used to be my playground…
August 19, 2008

Day one in Ninevah…errr, I mean Cedarville.

I want to express my deepest thanks for ALL of the prayers/texts/calls/etc.  This transition is going to be one of a lot of emotions and heart change on my part, all of which I’m begging God for, and I’m so thankful you’re begging with me.

I got a message from one of my best friends Zach today who thought that starting a blog might be a good way to track with me in this new chapter.  I agree.  Bob always says “journaling is good for the soul”… So let’s give it a shot, eh?

The Lord has definitely answered prayer…Rachel found my roomates and house randomly online on one of her lunch breaks, and it all worked out.  I am typing this from the couch of our lovely little 4 bedroom house in the ghetto of Xenia.  My roomates are just as random as the way we found them, and I’m sure just as God-ordained.  Lauren & Maddie I have deemed “The Giggle Twins” and Janie is as new to the house as I am.  These three girls are as passionate about their Jesus and their church- Ahop (A House of Prayer) as I’ve seen in a long while.  Maddie has lost her voice (but not her giggle) due to the fact that she and her friends from church drove all the way to DC for one day for a prayer conference, and she sounds all squeaky now because she spent 12 hours crying out to our Lord.  These girls might be 19, 21 and 22…but I think I’m going to be learning quite a bit.  Lauren is an admitted ex-alcoholic who’s life echoes a drastic change from dark to light, and Janie hasn’t been around much, but I do know she has 8 brothers and sisters, so I am BOUND to learn something from her also.  My room is all set and perfect (thanks to my awesome mom and brothers and my bffffff Andrea who chose to help me last week despite my many ugly tantrums.)  I feel very at peace about living here.  Thanks God.

School is weird.

God was so good to me today, I was so afraid of sitting alone in my first chapel, and whaddya know…my dear friend Ryan, whom I haven’t seen in over a year, was here in the Ville and let me know he wanted to hang out…I picked him up before 10 and we made it just in time for me to scan my card along with the throngs of kids, ummm…I mean “fellow students.”

As we sat upstairs in the balcony, I was overWHELMINGLY annoyed with the chit-chat and audible conversations swirling around me from a group of obnoxious kids.  I have so quickly forgotten that a couple years ago, those whispering dervishes with the attention span of a gnat was, wellllllll….ME!

After 45 minutes and my blood sufficiently boiling, I jerked my head around and said firmly “Girls. Please.”  They instantly grew silent.  After chapel, one of the girls caught my attention and simply said “I wanted to apologize, we were very distracting and we shouldn’t have been talking. I’m sorry.”

Now, I don’t know if this girl apologized because I am old enough to be a faculty member or if it is because that sweet little peach just had a heart of gold, but either way- my slice of humble pie was choking me bite by bite.

I keep assuming that I am here to change others and that God is going to change me.  But maybe I am just going to be changed.  Period.

Later this evening, as I walked from the student center to the DMC, it hit me.

This isn’t “my” school anymore.  Sure, I’m enrolled, I’ll be taking pop quizzes soon enough and my parents are spending a pretty penny to give me this opportunity, but it isn’t the same.  The usual flutter and fluster of a dozen or so “Hi’s and How-Are-Ya’s” just walking from one building to another are now replaced with value-questioning silence.  There are no high-fives or flashing a wink to my crush of the week across the parking lot.

I’m not here because of friends or relationships or popularity or involvement…I’m here to close a chapter of my life and breathe a sigh of relief.

I’m here because they wouldn’t accept my boarding pass to Tarshish. 
(aka Chicago)

I’m here because my beloveds prayed until my heart turned and have continued to pray.

I’m here to love Him in a way I haven’t before…through obedience.

Tonight Dr. Brown ended his message on Nehemiah with this quote “Almost every significant thing that has happened in my life was when I was somewhere I didn’t want to be.”

I hope so.